I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
