All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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