I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
