OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
