So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
