I like to think it a success when the cops are called
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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