So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
false alarm, still single
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