i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
hell yes lets make some ravioli
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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