ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
