im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
