My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
