Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
