Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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