He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
