Tell her she can't have a vagina
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
