I accidentally burped into my bong.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
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Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
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He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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