Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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