Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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