Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
