I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
