you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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