i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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