Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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