I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
