I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
