Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
