GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
