my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
