I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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