When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
