I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
