he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
