summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
