i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
