Swine flu. Run for my life!
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
