i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
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Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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