I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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