I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
