I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
