How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
