She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
