Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
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That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
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We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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