Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
