we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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