physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
