is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
