i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
