D3 body, D1 cock
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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