sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
