I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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