Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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