I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
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there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
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Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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