Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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