you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
