idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
