Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
