I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
