My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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