Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
