hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
