He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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