I skipped work to stalk him.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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