Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
