We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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